Everlasting Friend

May my solitude be fruitful.
To fill this barrenness with life,
that was my desert song.

I yearned for company.
Grasping for every connection,
right or wrong.

I found my comfort.
A comfort so elusive and fickle,
it didn't last very long.

That was when I let my thorn,
the thorn in my flesh,
become my source of company.

I indulged it.
I confided in it.
I let it be.

Oh foolishness!
I was numbed by its poison,
unable to feel it spread.
It was not until a man
who was also pierced
knelt by me and said:

"I love you son.
I have never left you.
I will never leave you.
I am with you."

That I felt the pain in my heart,
the depth of the wound that I let be.

It was not until then,
that I felt the warmth
that was always a part of me.

Amen.

From the Heart

"Write with your heart,
Re-write with your head."
Easier said than done.

How much of my heart
needs to be set apart
from the rest of me?
When is it too much heart?
When is it too much brain?

I refuse to follow
an emotion driven mob.
I refuse to shelter behind
the cold walls of logic.
I just want to be with You.

Storms rage in my heart.
Mazes reside in my mind.
Nowhere is really safe,
nowhere can I find peace.
I have not left but You.

Pray from the heart,
articulate from the mind.
Easier said than done.

Simply...cool

Omnipotent
Creator of the Universe
You spoke light into being.
Your "Word became flesh."
Basking in eternity
everything bends to Your will.

Omnipresent
Here and there,
then everywhere.
You walk among the stars
and along the bottom of the seas.
Unbounded You travel.

Omniscient
You know our thoughts.
You see our hearts.
You know when each of us
cries, laughs, smiles.
Nothing You do not know.

Even with all this power
and all this knowledge.
You can still relate to us.
Alpha and Omega.
Beginning and End.
You said "I am."
And You are...

cool

Amen.

Drift Away

Floating along on the waves.
Up then down. Repeat.
Bearings have all gone astray
and no sense of urgency.
I don't even know where
I was coming from,
or am going.

These waves carry me gently
and I fear the storm.

Or is this my storm?
Is this what I fear the most?
This deadly calm, the quiet thunder.
The ripples that aim to capsize me,
are gently rocking me to my sleep.

What do I care?
This is where I'm supposed to be.

I have no idea where "supposed to be"
really is. Do I take for granted?
I suppose. Presume perhaps?

Idleness breeds sin.
Sin of not doing leads to
sins of doing. What am I doing?
Rather, am I not doing?
Well, I haven't done the things
I said I won't, but have I not done
the things I said I will do, or is it
not not do?

Again, gentle waters lulling me to sleep.

Empty boat.
You're supposed to be here.
Yet, You're not...
Is it 'cuz we're in my head
and not my heart?

By the way...how is my heart?
I've been letting it die to itself
and left You with the keys.
How are things holding up down there?
Up there?
Think You can hold it down for another 33 days?
Make Yourself comfortable,
It's all Yours.

Amen.

Sugar...Or Something More?

Why do I feel so down?
Is it me crashing from sugar,
or is it something more?
I just don't feel like myself,
but I haven't in a few days.

Maybe it's the sugar.
Maybe not.
One way to find out;
let's see what tomorrow
has to bring.

Amen.

Dying to Myself

How do I do this,
when every part of me wants to live?
I feel the struggle,
the battle that tears me in two.
It tries to hide itself,
but I can still feel the turmoil.

I cut off one dead vine
and two more grow elsewhere.
I treat one disease
and others rise up taking place.
I am constantly tending,
constantly fighting, constantly dying.

When will the birth take place?
Will I ever rise from the ashes?
I am losing to myself
instead of dying to myself.
I know if I win,
I will lose everything.

Father, defeat me.

Amen.

40 Days

40 days
You endured the elements
The hot, the cold
The light, the dark

40 days
You endured starvation
No food, some water
Died to Your flesh

40 days
You endured temptation
Glory, power
Turned it all down

40 days
Endure with me
I'll look to You
Here is day 1.

Amen.

I Need You

Father help me endure,
not settling for second best.
Not just put into any port
as I sail through the tempest.

Father give me strength
to combat the Evil one.
To live righteously
as your servant, as your son.

Father fill my heart with courage
to stand strong against fear.
Finding boldness to move forward
while the shadows draw near.

But above all, I need Your grace,
I need Your mercy, I need your love.

Amen.

Dreams

Again You stir up my dreams,
and cause distress in my rest.
You bombard my unconscious,
rattling my very thoughts.
Now, I'm left with the question,
"What am I to do?"

A thousand thoughts fill my mind,
a thousand faces come in and out.
These pictures run left and right,
let loose to run rampant and free.
Did you try and talk to me?
I have no idea... help me.

Amen.