How do I do this,
when every part of me wants to live?
I feel the struggle,
the battle that tears me in two.
It tries to hide itself,
but I can still feel the turmoil.
I cut off one dead vine
and two more grow elsewhere.
I treat one disease
and others rise up taking place.
I am constantly tending,
constantly fighting, constantly dying.
When will the birth take place?
Will I ever rise from the ashes?
I am losing to myself
instead of dying to myself.
I know if I win,
I will lose everything.
Father, defeat me.
Amen.
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