Dying to Myself

How do I do this,
when every part of me wants to live?
I feel the struggle,
the battle that tears me in two.
It tries to hide itself,
but I can still feel the turmoil.

I cut off one dead vine
and two more grow elsewhere.
I treat one disease
and others rise up taking place.
I am constantly tending,
constantly fighting, constantly dying.

When will the birth take place?
Will I ever rise from the ashes?
I am losing to myself
instead of dying to myself.
I know if I win,
I will lose everything.

Father, defeat me.

Amen.

40 Days

40 days
You endured the elements
The hot, the cold
The light, the dark

40 days
You endured starvation
No food, some water
Died to Your flesh

40 days
You endured temptation
Glory, power
Turned it all down

40 days
Endure with me
I'll look to You
Here is day 1.

Amen.