Christmas

It's a cold and rainy day.
December 25th.
Today we celebrate your birth,
the beginning of a tragedy,
the beginning of our lives.

Our bodies may be cold,
but our hearts remain warm.
We have each other,
our family and friends.
We will always have You.

Gifts and presents aplenty
makes the season of giving
a warm and festive time.
Our family and lovers take over
all the rooms in our hearts.

We leave You in the cold,
still an infant, still a child.
Born to bear the sins,
humbly in a manger,
You came in the quiet dark.

We celebrate Your birth
with everyone else.
We leave you outside
looking in through the glass.
We forget You.

You are the reason
for this very season.
We preach it ever so joyously,
but You remain apart
from all the celebration.

You are left to watch from afar,
not here with me in my heart.

Amen.

Thinking Straight?

I'm tired and weary.
Fighting against unseen barriers,
those that can only be heard.
I Restrain my temper,
dragging out my patience.
Patience is unwilling and tired,
it wants to let anger run the show,
let it loose and let it grow.

I feel cold yet hopeful.
Is there a rekindling fire?
I am glad, yet I dread.
I walk on thin ice
when I want to run.
I don't want these boundaries,
these white picket fences.
Will I ever move on?

Today we celebrate
for so many reasons.
Yet, I have all the reasons,
but am not joyous or cheerful.
Too many other things
to worry about.
I should be praying.
I should be praising.
I should be...

Regardless of...

Everyday, I face difficulties.
Trials that wear me down,
burdens so heavy on my soul.
I can't think of a day
that goes by without sin.
Sin in so many different forms,
multiple guises all aimed
to take me to the ground.
These are my daily trials.

Everyday your mercy is new.
A promise that holds me up,
a love poured over my soul.
I can't think of a day
that goes by without Your love.
Grace in so many different forms,
family, friends, brothers, sisters,
all there to help me stand.
These are my daily blessings.

Yes, I have failed countless times over.
Yes, I have been a tarnish to Your name.
Yes, I am a wretched sinner.
All of these are true, but above it all
Your Word is truth, and You say,
"I have redeemed you."
"I have made you clean."
"I love you."
I take a step forward and two steps back,
but You have taken all the steps I needed
to walk right into Your arms.

Amen.

A Cry from the Heart

Praise be to God,
who sent His one and only Son
to die for our sakes.
You threw Yourself into the midst
of all the sufferings and sins,
the very same ones we faced.
You set aside Your crown
and put on the garbs
of beggars, of sinners.
You came not to rule,
You came not to preach,
but You came to love,
You came to live
the very words You spoke.

And oh, how foolish are we?
We who are blind and lost,
deceived by our very own lies.
We, who would not be able to
recognize our very own Savior,
our very own Father.
We say we know you,
but we don't "know" you.
We love you, but we're not in love.
We pray and worship,
but oh, what empty words.
We say we have you figured out,
we put You in our little box,
measuring You out, fitting You in,
because we can't comprehend,
can't fully accept,
Your sovereignty, Your grace.

We hear of the gas chambers
and we ask "Where was God?"
We saw the Towers fall
and we asked "Where was God?"
We see homes burn, people killed,
lives stolen, hearts broken,
and we ask "Where is God?"
You were in those gas chambers!
Your heart was falling with those towers!
You were broken, You were stabbed,
You were there, always there.
Oh Lord, You who has overcome
both the world, and death,
has done all that in order to show us,
to connect with us, to say to us,
"I understand, I feel it too."

Loss after loss, death after death.
This world is a truly dark place,
filled with the very evil we create.
You saw the depravity of this world,
and yet, You put Yourself in our shoes.
You embodied the suffering,
You consumed the agony,
You burdened Yourself
with the weight of our sins.
You took such unspeakable evil
and turned it into a resounding crash
of good, mercy, and grace
that was heard by all ears.

I can look at this world,
and stare at evil in its face.
Though, I quake in fear,
and may waver in my fight,
I will forever have hope
and forever find peace
in knowing that my Father
not only knows, but feels.
Though I may find myself
trapped in the darkest of pits,
there will never be a pit
deeper than my Father's love.
You have already walked a
thousand miles in my shoes
You will bring good and comfort
in all the suffering I will come to know.

Amen.

Never Alone

I'm surrounded by people.
People who love me,
people who hate me,
people who adore me,
people who spite me.
Yet, with all the company
I can find myself with,
I still feel alone.

Why is it this way Father?
If it's not their fault,
surely it must be mine.
If I'm not ostracized,
surely it's I who shun away.
Do I keep others out?
Am I afraid to connect?
Maybe, it's who I am.

I will befriend this loneliness,
it'll be my closest friend.
I will not despair in solitude,
when I find myself in barren lands.
I will toil and cultivate
this vast lonely desert.
Then, the living water will flow
giving life to desolate grounds.
The solitude will provide,
the emptiness will sustain.
In this silence I will hear You.
When I am alone,
I will be closest to You.

Amen.

Restless Sleep

Rage, rage, rage!
This is what I feel
as I wake from slumber.
I sought peace going to bed,
to rest my mind,
to ease my soul.
But, peace is not what I find,
serenity escapes my dreams.
I'm thrown into discord,
scenes of injustices,
surrounded by shifty eyes.
Corridors filled with people,
pressing all around me
as I want to get through
and escape these hectic scenes.
Such vivid visions
haunting my psyche.
I wake not rested,
but more worn out than before.
If these are not my nightmares,
what will those feel like?

Empty Words

Words flow from my tongue
and eloquence directs the course.
A steady stream of words,
smooth and seamless connections.
I know all the right words
to say in my prayers,
but I'm not too sure
if these prayers are right.

These words seem to float by
as they leave my tongue.
They drift further away
weightless and ungrounded.
Nowhere to land and take root,
these words will never grow.
All of this nonsense are
words - nothing more.

But turn your ears to Him.
Hearken to His Word.
No chorus is louder than His voice,
we just need to listen.
Don't be swept away
by the eloquence, the flow
of man's words, but hold on
tightly to His everlasting Word.

Amen.

Blessings in Disguise

Imperfections surround me.
I, myself, am imperfect.
Flaws and quirks smear
all that is around me;
it is so hard to see
the good beneath it all.

My family, my brothers,
my sisters, myself.
All of us have our flaws.
Personality, emotion,
physical, mental,
name it, we have it.

And I wouldn't have it
any other way.
I can still give thanks
in the midst of our faults.
What we see as curses
are our blessings
that make us who we are.

Though we may focus
on the smallest of stains,
your Grace surrounds us all.
Let us see through Your eyes,
let us see Your perfection
in our imperfections.

Amen.

Directions

Father, where are You taking me?
Where are We going?
I can't help but ask.
I know I've asked You to be my guide.
I've said I trust in your directions.
I will push on, and keep walking
in this vague direction You point at,
but I'm still curious to know,
where Your road will take me.
The mountain of hope perhaps?
Or maybe the depths of despair?

I have yet to see the land
in the distant horizon as I sail
on these serene waters
that can all too well turn to storms.
Rarely can I see the stars
that should be shining so bright.
My heavenly guides
that dot the skies.
Father, you know them by name,
please arrange them to guide me
as I sail through calms and storms,
making my way back home.

Amen.

Family

When You see my family,
are You pleased with us?
Search our hearts
and right our wrongs.
Only You can see
how blind we can be.
We let the walls build
and shelter up behind
these walls of stone.
We live as prisoners
to our own fears,
defeated by ourselves.
Those strange walls we build
at first are so dark
but we let them sit and stand
as tall as they want
and they become our homes,
they become our shelter.
We sweep the dirt under
and cover it up,
hoping that it will remain
quiet, still, unnoticed.
We say we do all this
for the sake of our family,
to preserve our ties,
to "move on."
But are our our motives
really selfless? Or have we
tricked ourselves?

The stench of what's rotting
will always surface
even from the inside.
Then, it will be Your hands
that cleanse and correct
all that is dirty, all that is wrong.
We can not hide for long,
can not disguise our wrongs.
Your light will bring truth
and unveil the darkness
to show us we were all fools:
petty, naive, prideful, and scared.
You will bring forth
all that we've buried.
You will uncover
all that we've hid.
All to show us
just how small
those problems were
compared to
Your Grace,
Mercy, and
Love.

Amen.

Dull

Life has been pretty slow.
Where's the excitement?
I need a victory,
overcome an obstacle,
a monumental defeat,
something big.
Life has been on cruise control
for way too long.
I need to step out
and do something.
I know I asked for peace,
but please God,
not at the cost of
excitement.

Life

Time is flying by
and I'm left with no time
to spend with You.
24 hours is not enough
to get everything done
and to squeeze You in.
It's not supposed to be that way.
Yet, I feel like I have no choice.
What can I do?

I will continue to give thanks
for the days that you grant me.
I will turn my chores
into worship that glorifies You.
I will invite you to walk
every single step of the way.
From sunrise to sunset,
may You walk with me.
I will live my life in You.

Amen.

Truth Be Told

Does it have to be like this?
In my very own home?
When can I get away from lies?
Where can I escape to?
Good intentions, bad intentions,
doesn't make a difference anymore.
Complications build,
frustrations rise.
When will the madness end?
Save me Father
from this tumbling house of cards
falling all around me.
Shelter me under Your
Truth and reassurance.

Amen.

December 3, 2008

Rest

Prince of Peace.
Even when I fight
against the hand that holds me
you give me rest.
My stubborn Will will say
keep pushing, keep moving.
The Father's heart says,
"take a break my son."
This stubborn Mind
will not bear to be
drawn into tranquility.
Instead it will try
with all its might
to persevere, to fight.
All the while,
the Heart will hear the Truth
and yearn to respond,
but chained by necessities
the Mind throws on it,
the Heart can not find rest.
It is then the Prince of Peace
will fool the Mind
and free its captive.
Quietly laying Mind to rest,
He will tend the Heart.
Though all of me will fight
the hand that tries to hold me,
Your comfort and rest will be
medicine to my Heart.

Amen.

December 2, 2008

What More Can I Say?

I have called to you
in my storms,
in my calms,
in my home,
in our quite place.
And You listened to
all my joys,
all my pains,
all my tears,
all because You love.
I have praised.
I have groaned.
I have blessed.
I have cursed.
In Your name, I have said much.
What more can I say?
It is time to listen...

December 1, 2008

Your Ways

You remain incomprehensible,
unable to be understood
by simple minds,
by simple hearts.
We do not have a single clue
as to what may be going on
in our own lives
in our own hearts.
You find some way to teach us fools
through our own foolishness.
You find some way to shed some light
in this night we create.
The blind can see, the cripple walk.
They are us - as we are.
You use our flaws and failures,
our past wounds and mistakes
to lead us closer
to your perfection.
How twisted and ironic,
yet how comforting.
You use pain to heal,
break us to make us.
Put us in darkness so we can see
ever clearly in the light.
Yes it seems foolish,
almost ridiculous.
Your methods are beyond us
and your thoughts surpass all.
This is why I can still
find comfort in Your ways.

Amen.

November 30, 2008

Provided

How cruel can you be?
You give your children
precious gifts to handle,
knowing all will be broken
by the end of the day.
With child-like logic
we tend it and guard
this most fragile of gifts.
We're afraid of breaking it,
and yet we want to play.

If You had known,
why did You bother?
We try with all efforts
to preserve the purity
and protect it from taint,
but to no avail.
We fail in the midst
of all that we wished for,
and of all our hopes and dreams,
and of all our prayers.

Is there a lesson
To learn from all this?
A harsh teacher You are,
to light our hopes all aflame
'til they turn to ashes,
just to get a point
across in our hearts.
You are willing to let
Your children fall to the ground
before you pick them up.

But above it all,
you will still remain
sovereign Lord of our hearts,
the gentle shepherd leading
his lost sheep to pastures.
We will one day see
and fully realize
the depth of that promise
You have made with us: "I will
always take care of You."

Amen.

November 30, 2008